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Has anyone else been triggered by the recent video at the Coldplay concert.

I am 5 years out and felt things were going ok. But boy did this really open old wounds
It doesn’t help that the man in question bears a canny resemblance to my husband.

I feel very vulnerable and stupid for staying.
It’s hard to even look at him right now.

I have found the public comments so difficult to read. I really feel like I have completely lost my self respect by staying. I am feeling like I may have made a massive mistake. Just seeing these two cheaters - and the public reaction. It just takes me back to the first few weeks after d-day.

How can people be so cruel? Honestly the brazenness of these two. My husband and his AP worked together. They went to the theatre and on holiday together. I am pretty sure their work colleagues knew. I think watching this has been like a bucket of water in my face.

Anyone else feeling this - after seeing the clips on social media?

Feeling so sick to my stomach- it’s really got to me. Thanks for reading, just not sure what this means. Feeling so off balance 😢

Yeah, I think it’s gotten to everyone here.

The comments that imply we shouldn’t judge, leave them alone, etc. smh with that bull.

I have been watching it and just assume that the people saying that sort of bullshit are cheaters, too. It’s helpful information to have if you see it among people you know. Not a friend anymore, right?

And yes, I feel lame as well.

I’m sorry, I’ve got nothing smart to say here except yeah. Me too.

I really feel like I have completely lost my self respect by staying. I am feeling like I may have made a massive mistake.

Did you feel this way before the Coldplay concert incident?

I think that it is hard no matter which choice you make - D or Reconciliation. And everyone has an opinion so it’s better to ignore what others think.

I’m sure people would say I’m an idiot for giving my H a third chance - but I felt as though if he didn’t make a supreme effort I would D him anyway so another 30 days wasn’t going to make much difference.

But in fact it did.

Is your former cheating spouse doing everything possible to make amends? If so, and your marriage has survived and you are happy, who cares what others think?

And I used to be a judgmental woman who had the "I would never stay married to a cheater" mantra down pat. Funny how things change when I’m in the middle of the affair.

Ignore the haters.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 1:27 PM, Saturday, July 19th]

While I don’t feel stupid or regret staying I would have if it was public like this and the entire world was making jokes and memes about it early on. My heart is breaking for that poor woman and her kids. It’s good it was revealed, but for Christ sakes there is nothing funny about it and this family needs to grieve and heal privately. Emotions are so raw this early. She is likely feeling the need to protect her husband a bit while also hating him. So sad. The children get to see the father they love and still do become a social pariah. They don’t deserve to have this circus created while their world is upside down. I dont care that "he should have thought of that before he cheated". Well no shit, but someone needs to be the grown up and protect their broken hearts as much as they can. I wish people would care less about what the cheater deserves and more about what the victims need and what’s best for them. They deserve privacy to figure out what they want to do and begin rebuilding their life to their choosing with or without the man in the home. I hope this women gets a great divorce atty or I hope she finds a great counselor and her husband gets the help he needs and they work it out. I hope she feels free to make these choices in her own time free of any judgment.

Have you talked to your husband about these feelings. It would’ve been good if he had been proactive about it and helped you through this. He had to know it would be triggering.

Perhaps you need a discussion about how to handle these types of things he going forward and how he needs to lead when he knows there’s a possibility of something that could trigger you.

I feel very vulnerable and stupid for staying.

You are absolutely not stupid for staying.

If human behavior was to always rain down consequences immediately for every wrong doing, we would still be in the jungle. The capacity to forgive, show grace, set aside an insult, these are some of the highest traits within the human heart.

There are excellent reasons to stay. There are unarguable reasons to leave. Society doesn’t understand it, so they make ignorant pronouncements or laugh like that dirt bag friend on the Jumbotron. They all completely miss the mark, so fuck them as you navigate your difficult path. Just keep your eyes and heart open and keep doing the best you can. That is all any of us can do.

This is triggering , but there is so much going on around the world right now that we have to not take anything personally. These are reminders more than ever to do the right thing, be grateful for what we have and cherish the smallest of victories in our personal and professional lives.

My thoughts are only with the douchebags wife, she’s the victim in all of this. His children deserve a lot of sympathy. Betrayal is incredibly humiliating but to have their shame play out so publicly is outright cruel. People’s memories and attention spans are shorter than the TikTok reels, so there’s hope that his family will find their normalcy at some point, most likely without him.

I feel bad for the HR lady’s husband. Poor guy. His world is fucked, too.

This is absolutely triggering. But don’t beat yourself up for trying and staying. Going through it at all is hard enough. And, what you’re feeling was normal for me too.

My best friend likened trying to reconcile being a superpower. It requires superhuman effort and strength. I’m grateful that my FWH and I were able to get to this place. We’re both much happier for the effort we put in together.
Sadly, my best friend just discovered her boyfriend was not being exclusive and was trying to figure out what he wanted. She told him that if he was not sure…she was not interested. That’s been running through my head a lot lately. I did tell my H at Dady the same. I’m not interested in being with someone who isn’t interested in being with me. How broken must you be to knowingly settle for that in a relationship. The OW in my case was a "friend" and stalked me for years after.

Closer to my d-day there was a song on repeat on the radio…I couldn’t listen to it. Same with any mention of infidelity in any form of media. I talked with my H when it happened and we steered clear of it. Now, I no longer get the same emotional response to it. When I saw the Coldplay concert video….all I could think was "Gosh, cheaters are dumbasses". Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. And what a way to tell the world you’re a Coldplay fan.

This has been triggering somewhat but not for reasons I would have thought.

It just amazes me how absolutely brazen these two were. This wasn't a one time thing - there was an intimacy there. And a public one. They were in their own little world with zero regard for anything else. And they really can't deny it because the world saw them.

I think they are getting poetic justice. And the fact that it unfolded on the world stage just calls to mind how prevalent this shit is. I salute the Karma Bus Caravan Leader that allowed for this exposure. I am both cheering like a little kid on Christmas and giving the 1980s Standing Slow Clap.

But I feel sorrow - every time I see a comment that "if they'd have not reacted they'd have been fine" I get angry. Every time I see a comment where someone says "people need to mind their own business" I get angry. And every time I see "it not big deal - it sooooo prevalent these days" I get angry. That anger is a trigger to those large quantities of people globally that feel this is no big deal. That realization just stabs me in the heart. That so many think this is Coldplay's fault. OR blame the reaction of the couple. Or think the global scale is too big a deal. I am triggered by the fact that more people aren't condemning the behavior and instead are trying to blame those who took the video or posted the video or the singer's comments.

WH in his own was was triggered [although he didn't use those words]. He did say he was tired of seeing it everywhere - he was just tired of it being the forefront of any discussion, social media, news, etc. IMHO - I hope his sphincter shrinks a bit every time he sees it. I hope he has an "oh shit - this could have been me moment". I hope he feels the world's wrath in a way as a WH. I hope his eyes are open to the destruction this causes on so many levels. I love him. R is going well in the Land of Chaos. But I can't say I'm not enjoying a bit of watching him feel uncomfortable [at best] over this in some way.

When he mentioned the BW and kids - I gently and calmly reminded him that those 2 were well aware they had children and at least one had a spouse. They just gave zero fucks about them in their dopamine fueled moments. They chose their behavior. They chose their collateral damage. They chose to fuck over their spouses and children. They chose. And the piper came a calling.

I told him that I imagine every wayward [or former wayward] is having a sort of reaction to this. Fear, shame, holy shit, OMG, thank God it wasn't that bad for me, anything, everything.

I also told him I imagine every betrayed is inwardly cheering on some level at the happenstance exposure on such a grand scale - because exposure is the way this shit stops and kind of a betrayed's dark fantasy of sorts. There is no rug sweeping this one.

On some level their lives are large scale destroyed and globally public. And it couldn't happen to a nicer pair.

I hope every wayward and former wayward sees this and thinks "this could be me/this could have been me" and start changing their behavior. Sadly...it will just cause many to be far more discreet.

Spot on chaos

I’ve always had this wish that when I had suspicions I should have went and caught them red handed. That never happened for me, but I enjoy seeing how fast they ditched each other. They were both second place and accept it. Scattering like cockroaches.

I now have the image of my WW and AP on Dday.

3starsinthedark: ABSOLUTELY!!! I could have written your post. It’s been awhile since I posted here. I’ve been kind of sinking again, even before the Coldplay thing, and that situation certainly didn’t help. I’m trying to get up the nerve to talk with him about it. It’s hard, I’m very nonconfrontational.

Hopefully the HR women's husband has an airtight prenup with an infidelity clause. The man is the CEO of his own rum distillery and the two of them recently purchased a 2.2 million house in New Hampshire. It would disgust me to no end if she emerged from this with some of his money

Thanks everyone for your replies. Your responses were all spot on. I do feel less alone. Whilst everyone is talking and joking about it, only the people who’ve been through it, can truly understand the devastation.

My heart goes out to both the betrayed spouses, their children and families. As we know first hand, this is one of the worst experiences and to have it played out around the world. It’s just so sad 😢

I do feel it’s put the spotlight on cheating and I really hope that people take note and think twice before even starting an affair. This really does destroy families and lives. The backlash these two have received is clear for everyone to see.

I have discussed it with my husband and he two had noticed his resemblance to the CEO caught. I think this is why it feels so close to the bone. He feels embarrassed and it’s bought up some shame. He has tried to be understanding, but I don’t think he’ll ever really get it.

I am not sure what my boys think, but I am sure they must have seen it. I hope it hasn’t destabilised them. Just glad it happened after their exams.

I am still confused and struggling to feel at peace with my journey. I do wonder if his affair had been so publicly exposed that I’d have had the strength to try R. Only a few close friends and family know and as it was just before lockdown, it helped to be cut off from the world to process the trauma.

I send gratitude and love to you all and although I don’t post very much now. To have this site - to be there - to know you know the feelings. It’s very special

Maybe I’m just a different person but I don’t feel
Judged by reconciling.

And I made my H tell his entire (immediate) family so that if I D him, he could not make me the bad guy lol.

He has to bear the shame not me.

Luckily my H does get it. He has deep regrets and even once said he wished someone would have had a talk w/ him about his choices or actions before it became an affair. And I asked him "would you have listened?" And he admitted probably not.

He feels terrible for the families involved in this terrible situation. He understands all of it.

3stars, Count me in as triggered by the incident. It has really settled into my brain the past few days.

I talked to my WH about it a little, he thought it was funny how they got caught, but made no connections to his own years of infidelity. I thought it was poetic for them and so sad for their families. But I was also mad that my WH and his side piece never faced any personal or professional consequences for their selfish, disrespectful choices. I told him as much and tried to get him to discuss how this relates to me and us, but I have never been able to get him to open up and just talk about his A. It is so frustrating, and largely why I am still stuck, and why the Coldplay memes bother me. They remind me what selfish cheating and lying look like, and remind me that this is the reality I was forced to live in, forever a BS now.

I also told my WH that I judged the man very harshly for acting like a manchild, ducking and hiding. Not a thought of concern or care for his mistress, no move to shield her or act cool and cover, just caught and hiding. It was pure guilt and selfish concern for only himself. I have zero empathy for him or his choices, or hers. While the CEO does not resemble my WH, his cowardly actions and attempts to hide the truth very much reminded me of how my WH acted in the waves of discovery. No honor, no owning, just trying to damage control and minimize. Maybe that bothered me more than the outed affair.

Another thing that bothers me is the gall of the CEO to publicly apologize and then throw in his anger at his private moment being made public. He is very much head up ass at this point. I feel disgust toward them both, and such sorrow for their families. We know how disorienting and disabling discovery can be, and the pain is impossible to describe for anyone who has not lived it. We know what they are going through, and how long this will reverberate in their lives, with added public scrutiny most of us cannot imagine.

I felt vulnerable when this was all over the news, but not stupid. I don’t have shame any more over my WH’s poor life choices. I’m ashamed for him, for who he let himself become, but not for me. And I am sad that the fallout for us has loomed so large in our lives for so long now. At least in my life, as he seems to have moved on quite well. My therapist really helped me reframe my regret and shame in staying as resilience and strength, and she helped me see the good in trying, the good in me that has always tried my best. But before she could do that, she had to help me come to terms with my decision to stay and keep trying with a deeply flawed partner. I remind myself often how strong I am, and that I made this choice to move forward with him, and that I can make the best of this if I just let myself.

I think this episode is just a reminder we didn’t need in our lives, while we are trying to rebuild them. Hopefully the social media coverage will die down and it won’t be everywhere like it is this week. That said, I found myself searching for details today, wondering, maybe hoping their marriages do not survive. I think the shame of staying after such a public embarrassment would be too much for either spouse.

It has helped me in my healing journey that the friends who know about the A all support my decision to stay, and many hoped for us to work things out, because in so many ways we are very compatible and better together than apart. I hope you are feeling better about things and this trigger fades away soon.

Unfortunately, this hit me as well this weekend and from a lot of different perspectives. Obviously as a victim of betrayal but also from the perspective, if I was not going through this would I have been part of the mob mentality having fun at these people's expense? God I hope not but I think, like many have said, that infidelity has been normalized somehow so I'm sure I would have chuckled at some smart ass remark with no regard whatsoever for the families and that's just flat out wrong. So I'm at least thankful that this has taught me to be a bit more empathetic. As I had to explain to my WW this AM after finally explaining what was wrong (I've explained elsewhere that she's doing such a good job of checking in with me that it's bordering on annoying ...we can laugh right?) , when something in pop culture like this happens, it's EVERYWHERE so BS's can't go on social media, news, etc for any info without seeing this for several days. I don't this BS's think of this. Things I enjoy like links to sports articles on twitter or checking the news I either have to avoid for a few days or just deal with the fanatical coverage for 48 hours until it goes away. More crap to navigate that we didn't ask for....