SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So, I am finally here. In my new space. In my new retirement - without him. The love of my life. The only one that I have been committed to for a total of 52 years. The one that when I remember back in the beginning - I still love. I remember him, and I love him. He is the only man that I had children with. But, yes - there is a but. I doubt that he ever loved me the way that I loved him. He most likely wasn't real that way. I will always wonder that. I won't ask him, because I have blocked him. He does not know where I am, and I hope that he doesn't find out. I really like my new home, in the area that I hoped and prayed that I could afford after the divorce devastated my savings that he didn't know about until I filed for divorce. So strange. I never thought that I would be divorced - and that I would file for it. I married the man that I love. I only wanted to be right next to him - always. But, here I am. And, so far . . . I am ok. Better than ok. I feel relief. So much less stressful, so quiet and peaceful. The last years have been hard. So very hard. He told me that he didn't love me anymore after dday. And, he showed me that everyday all those years since dday. Which, you know was scary. Like, what good could possibly come after that. He should have been begging and pleading with me for another chance, but, no I received the opposite of that. I waited days, weeks, months for that. It didn't happen. I finally shut that door. I knew if he didn't step up to the line in our last moments, that I would. Shut that door. It is the only way that I could save myself. So, now what? Whatever the f*** I want. That's what.

😃 Congrats on the new beginning! Enjoy the peace and give yourself all the love you didn't get from him!

Gongratulations!

Hey, it’s not about you, there is a thing that really matters:

You can’t truly love anyone if you can’t love yourself.
The guy never had a chance.

It was never about you.

That door is sealed.
Now only open it to people who loves themselves enough so they can actually reciprocate

As your nervous system starts to trust this new peace, you will enjoy it more. There will be tough days ahead, too, but you will recover more quickly and they will be fewer and fewer.

Congratulations on your new beginning! It’s not what you wanted, but it might be exactly what you need.

Better than ok. I feel relief. So much less stressful, so quiet and peaceful.

That's exactly how it felt for me too. The overwhelming sense of peace and relief. It's when I knew I had made the right decision to leave. I have not missed him once since I left nor our M.

Wishing you nothing but happiness on your path forward.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 5:49 PM, Thursday, May 7th]

The relief, peace, and quiet are priceless! Enjoy your wonderful new place.

I still struggle with thoughts of what could have/should have been, so don't be surprised if those kinds of feelings persist for a while. They get easier to let go over time.

Thank you, everyone.

NoThanks, I have struggled with those thoughts, usually for a few moments everyday. XWH never tried to save us, why? I think about it for awhile, then let it go. Yesterday my oldest son told me that he was at a recent family gathering for XWH's family and XWH didn't say anything good about me, and it went on the whole time. Hurts. XWH can't say anything good about me after all those years together. Really sad. Just reinforces my decision to d. Had trouble falling asleep last night because of that, but then my kids gave me an awesome Mother's Day party and I let it go. I'm in my new peaceful space, which I am so thankful for. All day, everyday. Thank you, God. My prayers were heard for all those moments that didn't make sense through the years that I struggled with XWH. Hundreds of thousands of moments.

The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change

the courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

enjoying one moment at a time.

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as he did, the sinful world as it is,

not as I would have it.

Trusting that he will make all things right

if I surrender to His will;

that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

and supremely happy with Him forever (in the next life).

—Reinhold Niebuhr, 1892-1971

There were so many, happy and loving moments between us. It was so long ago. I remember. The street drugs that he used changed him into someone that I don't know. I am safer now.

[This message edited by icangetpastthis at 4:41 AM, Sunday, May 10th]

Your last sentence reminded me of how I recall my late little brother. It was a long time ago, but the memories I still carry of him as an earnest, sweet boy who loved his family stay constant. So who he really chose to be - an angry, foul-mouthed, negative man - still seems so unreal, even after many decades of watching him self-destruct; in his case with alcohol. Substance abuse really IS brain-changing, so the personality inevitably changes for the worse. I can't think of any substance abuser whose personality actually improves. But we can remember a different person and that was them back then but not today.

Wishing you a Peaceful and Happy Mother's Day!