I have not posted before, but have been visiting this site regularly for the last few weeks. Please bear with me till the end,it's a long one.
Dday was July 30th 2026 when my husband found out I have been messaging another man on and off for a few years. I don't even know what to call it... It doesn't feel like it was an EA. I met AP when we were both 12 years old in primary school. We dated for about 5 minutes and never even kissed, most was one slow dance at a school disco. My family and I then moved away and the next time I would see him was when we were about 16 and he came to my town and we hung out at the mall with my other friends. Again, nothing happened and I don't even really remember those times. Next time I saw him we were around 25/26 and he was in town for work and we met at the mall and ate something at a restaurant. I was already dating my boyfriend (my husband now) for 6 years. My bf even knew I was meeting him and had no problem. I remember us talking and he was dating his now wife and the evening ended with us saying it was nice seeing you again and good luck with life etc. fast forward about 8/9 years.. my husband had I have been married about 7 years and now live in another country. One day out of the blue, this other guy messages me on Facebook asking how I am and what's been happening in my life etc. at first it's just usual chat but then he starts telling me how unhappy he is in his marriage (sexually) and how he has thought of me over the years and other bullcrap like that. I saw where this was going and said nope and ended up deleting my Facebook account because I just didn't want to deal with that. Then during COVID, he popped back into my life and at first it was all COVID talk and how crazy the world suddenly was etc and then he started with his sad sob story about his sexless marriage and I'm an so ashamed to say, we started messaging eachother and it became sexual in nature.
There were times I would say no more and block him and he would disappear for months to even a year or 2 and then reappear under a different number. It was just so familiar, and he just wanted a means to an end. He is also addicted to porn and has some pretty wild sexual experiences in his life.He had zero intention of leaving his family and I was happily married. We never spoke about much, hardly asked about my life and he shared very little about his life. It would be a msg every now and again asking how I was and then after sexy material.
So my poor husband accidentally came across a message he sent me and is understanably very upset and hurt and angry. We have decided to try reconciliation, it is impossible for him to think I didn't have feelings for this guy, but honestly, I don't even think I liked him. He just made me feel extremely sexy and desirable but then again, so did my hubby so I think I just liked the extra attention. I have gone completely NC and have no desire to ever speak or hear from him again. And he is aware my husband knows and has his contact number and I told him to never ever contact me again.
My question is: I am suppose to have breast implant removal surgery early in Jan next year. I've been wanting this for a few years and my husband fully supported me with this. The problem is, now I'm so scared it will make reconciliation even more difficult.. I was ok with coping with the big change I would have physically when everything was fine between us, but at the moment, I think we are experiencing trauma bonding and although we have always had a great sex life, I'm clinging to our intimate moments now more than ever because it makes me feel close to him where he is distant in other ways now.
He says he is fine with whatever I decide, but I'm worried if I should postpone the surgery till later?
I know this is a strange one, but I appreciate any advice and insights.
