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Well I've pretty comprehensively outlined my stance. I stand by what I've said that's what you're asking. I've read over the post several times and think it's a logically sound argument that represents my thoughts.

Affair fog is merely a sanitised metaphor. It's not real in any true sense of the word.

To illustrate this, consider the experiences of individuals who have endured war, abuse, or even the infidelity itself. They often describe a feeling of being "underwater"—a state of mental cloudiness, confusion, or detachment. Victims of abuse, for instance, could theoretically start saying, "I wasn't thinking clearly; I was underwater at the time," to describe their state during traumatic events.

My argument is that we should call this feeling what it truly is: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). We already have a precise, unambiguous term for such a state. Using "PTSD" leaves no room for hidden meanings or agendas, unlike the metaphorical "affair fog." It doesn't santize anything. It's doesn't allude to loss of agency or free wil.

Similarly, if you were in a state of limerence, say that. If you were experiencing cognitive dissonance, state that. I'm in no way denying the complex feelings you had while betraying your partner. I'm merely saying affair fog isn't real.

[This message edited by DRSOOLERS at 8:31 PM, Monday, July 21st]

** member to member **

In my experience, 'fog' has been used in these pages as an excuse and as a description.

It's been used as an excuse by new BSes who think they want R and by WSes who haven't become remorseful.

It's been used as a shorthand description by some remorseful WSes while healing, former WSes, and healing or healed BSes.

Personally, I am comfortable describing my W while in her A as 'in a fog'. Nevertheless, I had no trouble holding her to my requirements for R. Of course, that may be because she never tried to minimize her A.

I find it convenient to read and write 'fog' rather than describe it every time. I appreciate the people who use the term and who read it as it's intended.

Context is usually sufficient to tell what a poster intends when they post about affair fog. I need to read more from Searchingforsun to know how she uses the term, but I think BSR and Pippin are pretty clear.

While I can accept that cheating is a result of PTSD for many WSes, the term has the same failing that 'fog' does - it can be a shorthand description, and it can be an excuse. Frankly, IMO 'fog' is a lot clearer description of the WS's state of mind than 'PTSD'.

Besides, if you use 'fog', you can use 'fogged up', too. That usually stays within the boundaries of polite conversation.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:45 PM, Monday, July 21st]

That's a fair opinion, and I have no issues with "fog" being used as shorthand. I'm personally uncomfortable with it for the reasons I've outlined, but in the context of it being shorthand, it doesn't really bother me.

However, where I feel I have to speak up is when some members appear to be arguing that it's "real" in any sense outside of a metaphorical shorthand to explain more complex psychological phenomena.

Ultimately, it's a little pedantic, I've ran out of things to say on the matter.