sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:15 PM on Thursday, August 7th, 2025
It was a trigger for 5 years. The 6th year was our 49th, and we started to plan our 50th.
The 1st post-day anniversary was 9 months after d-day. Our 2nd and 3rd were pretty rough; 4th was OK; 5th was good. Since then, we've celebrated the day.
BS feelings about one's anniversary vary a lot over the long term.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Bos491233 (original poster new member #86116) posted at 8:25 PM on Monday, August 11th, 2025
I think a big part of this is, for the truly remorseful WS, they desperately want to hold onto these dates, milestones, etc and stopping those things is just one more thing they have to acknowledge that they've taken away from the BS. I finally just outright told mine this weekend that anniversaries, rings, 50% of our marriage (time between Ddays was 15 years so everything between was a house of cards on a foundation of a lie....IMO). You know what, it felt good to get that out there and I think it registered with her that this went several layers deeper than we've talked before. Other triggers came up that I know she never thought of: Being in the town he lives in, greeting cards (yes greeting cards....that's how I discovered the affair, 2 cards expressing his adoration) and so many more. I think it takes a long time, for the remorseful WS (the unremorseful just DGAF, I'm guessing), to really grasp how deep the cuts go and the things that, on the surface seem silly, but can bring those emotions flooding back.
