Asterisk (original poster member #86331) posted at 1:42 AM on Monday, March 23rd, 2026
Mr20Paws,
I thank you for your perspectives and guidance and I am happy for you that you were able to use your faith as well as other tools to find your path through this mess. That is awesome and I would never wish to be seen as trying to diminish its importance.
However, for me, my only hope of surviving and thriving was to walk away. I did not leave my faith because of my wife’s affairs. (But they did make it easier to do.) I have never regretted that decision nor have I ever looked back. Please understand that I’m not talking about your faith but my faith as I understood. I was taught to test the fruits of the spirit, and when I did, it proved to be false in its teachings and promises.
My hope is that this difference between us doesn’t become an insurmountable wall between us. I have no discomfort with other’s faith. Typically they have deep discomfort with my disbelief.
Asterisk
Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 4:45 AM on Monday, March 23rd, 2026
I maintain that setting her down and demanding my right to participate would be counter productive and, it is my belief, I do not have the right to do so.
As noted before, if you’re good — and think you will heal up without talking about things that may still hurt — then go with that.
However, every person in an M, especially one hurt by the other, has the RIGHT to address pain caused by the other as needed.
You are working on your perception of the past, and focusing on the now. It is just plain tougher to do that solo, when it sounds like (at key times) your teammate is watching from the sidelines.
My take is only based on what worked for me at Oldwounds HQ.
Ultimately, I don’t have enough information to know if you’re being helped enough by your wife to get as healed as you need.
Married 36+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived.
M Restored
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca
