It took me forever to come to conclusion of a D and this was with a WS who was not remorseful and continued to put me through False R. I hit my breaking point after the False R and then it took me 5 more years to get the strength and courage to leave. My biggest fear was breaking up the family but in the end it had to come to that in order for me to live a healthy life for myself.
Though my xWS was not remorseful I believe I would not have been able to get over the A even if he had been. I don't think I'm a good candidate for R and that is ok. For some of us infidelity is always a dealbreaker. This is what I realized about myself.
I'm not really an advocate for R because no matter what the cheating happened and it will always cause some level of pain that I think no one deserves to live with for the rest of their life. I know there are some on here who state they have truly R'd and got their M back. I do however feel that is very rare. Many others live with it like a dark cloud from the past that can rear it's ugly head at anytime. Never forgotten. Always there with them on some level and I think it's because they are exposed and around the perpetrator (the cheater).
Since leaving and D the A has no hold on me I rarely think about it except when I'm on here and it doesn't affect me one bit. Not like when I was still with xWS.
Life post infidelity is soul searching and healing, can you live with it for the rest of your life or will you bury it and move on peacefully with grace. I think moving on from it can happen in R too but it takes a special WS and BS to be able to do it.
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 8:51 PM, Wednesday, December 17th]
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
