SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi there.

After 26 years together, not being able to recover from an affair 10 years ago, we have accepted that I just cannot get past things and we are to separate - I am looking to move out by the end of the year.

I am still in love with my partner and she will always be my best friend.

I will still have regular contact, for the time being, in relation to our son.

However, I realise that this is likely to stop when my son is older.

How do I deal with the thought of losing my best friend as well?

Can exes still be there for eachother in the long term?

[This message edited by Anon1983 at 9:48 AM, Friday, May 16th]

I am sorry you are going through this.

But yes - there are many amicable divorces that do evolve into a new type of relationship. My old neighbors were like that. They divorced years ago but they still have a close relationship decades later.

What does your partner want the long-term relationship to look like?

i had to go as low contact as possible for my mental health right after we separated. We didn’t have kids, but had to deal with the insurance and hassle after losing our house in a wildfire during our limbo period. I found it really hard to talk to him right after the separation— kinda like picking a scab. It’s a few years out now and I can be civil, even semi-friendly when I need to talk to him (very rare).
But it took a few years of healing.

For your DS’ sake, you will need to be cordial, but no more. Take the time you need to heal. And then see what develops.

A good friend of mine’s wife cheated on him with his best friend and they had two daughters. It’s been 10+ years now and they are fine when going to DD’s graduations etc. But he has healed and moved on, too.

Time. It takes time.

I was with my exh for a total of 27 years. No children. I forgave all that he did and what I lost years ago. It still can be emotional at times, but we were able to handle the divorce calmly.

We don't have any real reason to communicate-so I would not say we are friends by any stretch. But respectful and kind. I texted him something about the new pope last week from an old family joke and he responded in the same manner.

But that was the first contact in a year+ probably. I considered my ex to be my best friend as well. He lost that title a long time ago. I replaced him with friends that would not damage my life like he did.

BB is correct. Time, the b$@%h that it is... eventually helps.

Protect yourself emotionally, do not continue to be her shoulder of support. Keep things polite and cordial for your child, but I've seen this often, eventually you will be handling daily life directly with him.

I realize this is not the concern right now. But it is likely both of you will find someone new. Think about your new mystery partner 'being there in the long term' with their ex. What does that look like and feel like to you?

Personally, it doesn't feel good to me. I've experienced it and it is annoying, especially when you are not dealing with young children where there is often a lot of coordination that takes place, etc.

[This message edited by AnnieOakley at 7:31 PM, Friday, May 16th]