1345Marine ( member #71646) posted at 7:43 AM on Sunday, August 10th, 2025
Purple Moxie put it very well. I struggled with this same thought too, and my WW told me all the time that I was violating her by telling my friends about the affair. I carried guilt and wrestled with that, but the reality is that her affair is in the top few of single most impactful things ever to happen in my life. She doesn't get to define my story or who I feel like I need to confide it to.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 2:32 PM on Sunday, August 10th, 2025
If you D, the settlement could require your H to stay where you are until your daughter graduates. (My son, for example, can't move more than a mile from where he lives unless he's willing to give up seeing his son; I believe the same provision applies to his XW.) It's difficult to enforce, but your H would probably have to kidnap your daughter to move her overseas, and penalties could be imposed if he does that.
Your D probably won't want to move in her last year. If you D, you can support her emotionally in her desire to stay put, if that's what she wants.
How will you live with him if you move? He could make your life extremely miserable.
IOW, it may be better to act decisively now.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
NoThanksForTheMemories (original poster member #83278) posted at 12:11 AM on Monday, August 11th, 2025
Vocalion, I think if my WS had found the humility early on to confess, ask forgiveness, and make amends to our closest family and friends, our R might have gone a lot better.
sisoon, we wouldn't make the move to Canada unless our kid also wanted to do it (she has been considering it for reasons I can't get into here). Proceeding with legal separation is the right move for the time being. I don't think he would make my life miserable because he's very sensitive to how our kid perceives him. She doesn't know about the affair, so if he starts behaving badly, he knows I could disclose the truth to her and make him a lot more miserable. Neither of us wants to walk down that road (as of now anyway).
We'll have to make a decision about the move by early spring (of 2026), so it's entirely possible that we won't have finished filing the legal separation by then and we can proceed directly to D.
WS had a 3 yr EA+PA from 2020-2022, and an EA 10 years ago (different AP). Dday1 Nov 2022. Dday4 Sep 2023. False R for 2.5 months. 30 years together. Separating as of July 2025.
